


I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas...

by WizzyPieHigh9



Series: Damian Acts - Batfam Reacts [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-13 14:10:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21495562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WizzyPieHigh9/pseuds/WizzyPieHigh9
Summary: Yes... Only a hippopotamus will do...
Series: Damian Acts - Batfam Reacts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789486
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas...

**Author's Note:**

> *Updated with Character Titles... I thought it was a bit difficult to read so I added it...
> 
> And yes,... this constitutes as a crack fic... Enjoy 😂

**Damian: "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas!"**

**Bruce: **"Damian we've discussed th-"

**Damian: "ONLY A HIPPOPOTAMUS WILL DO!"**

**Bruce: ***sigh*

**Jason: **"He's gonna keep singing until you give in old man..."

**Damian: "Don't want a car, no dinkey tinker toy!"**

**Dick: **"B, I think Jason's right,..."

**Damian: "I only want a hippopotamus to play with and ENJOY!"**

**Bruce: **"Grayson,... You do not expect me to give in, and actually buy Damian a hippo... DO YOU?!?"

**Dick: **"I-"

**Damian: "I WANT HIPPOPOTAMUS FOR CHRISTMAS!"**

**Jason: **"I tell you what old man, if you don't shut that kid up, I WILL... Alllllfieee, where's your sedation that you like to use on us so... frequently..."

**Tim: **"Hey,... don't forget me! My ear's are about to burn off from the brat's singing..."

**Alfred: **"Don't worry Master Timothy,... I think everyone's noticing the affect of Master Damian's most barmy attitude... Fiddlestick's, I do hope that that boy shut's his mush very soon. His wobbler is becoming a very yonks episode of time. He also unfortunately didn't seem to take after his Father's vocals in the slightest..."

**Damian: "I DON'T THINK BATMAN WILL MIND, DO YOU?"**

**Jason: **"The Old Man can sing?"

**Bruce: **"Alfred that was supposed to be a SECRET!!!"

**Alfred: **"Sorry Sir. In certain predicaments One let's thing's slip..."

**Bruce: ***Batman glare*

**Alfred: **"That shirty act doesn't work on me Master Bruce, and you know it..."

**Damian: "HE WON'T HAVE TO USE A BURLY DIRTY BAT-PLANE!"**

**Tim: ***ahem*

**Tim: **"...Am I blue.... you'd be too... if each plan that you'd had, done fell throu- "

**Bruce: **"YOU HEARD ME SING THAT TIM??"

**Dick: **"Little Timie,... please tell me you got that on video..."

**Tim: **"Not that I would send it to you Grayson... It's MY blackmail... and you missed the best part... Wonder Woman turned into a pig!"

**Alfred: **"Master Timothy! I'm gobsmacked at you... I believe you owe the jar a quid. You shouldn't say rubbish li-"

**Damian: "JUST BRING HIM THROUGH THE BAT CAVE!"**

**Damian: "THAT'S THE EASY THING TO DO!"**

**Dick: **"Arghhh,.. Al you have any ear plugs!"

**Alfred: **"I'm afraid Master Grayson that even if we did, in such a plight we find ourselves to be in... It would be daft to try and look..."

**Bruce: **"DAMIAN! It's November... Can we have this conversation when-"

**Damian: "I CAN SEE ME NOW ON CHRISTMAS MORNING..."**

**Bruce: **"Dam-"

**Damian: "CREEPING DOWN THE STAIRS!"**

**Tim: **"Bruce, It's not going to work..."

**Dick: **"Yea,...Timie's righ-"

**Damian: "OH WHAT JOY, WHAT SURPRISE!**

**Damian: WHEN I OPEN UP MY EYES!**

**Damian: TO SEE A HIPPO HERO STANDING THERE!"**

**Tim: **"YOU don't even know what JOY IS you BRAT!"

**Dick: **"Oi,... Timmer's... Calm Down,... and,.. can you pass the tissues?"

**Damian: "I WaNt A hIpPoPoTaMuS fOr ChRiStMaS!"**

**Dick: **"Now, Timmy,... NOW!"

*BANG*

**Damian: "ONLY A HiPpOpOtAmUs WILL DO!"**

**Dick: **"HEY! I meant PASSS the tissue box don't yeet it at meh face!"

**Tim: **"Sorry, Grayson,... thought I was doing you a favor... It's kinda hard to kick something over to somebody accurately..."

**Damian: "NO KILLER CROC'S! NO LOOK ALIKE MOCKS!"**

**Jason: **"You know he's just making the word's up now Old Man,..."

**Alfred: **"We have dubiously noticed Master Todd... We have dubiously noticed the bonker attitude of the impervious child... "

**Alfred: **"..."

**Alfred: **"I'm to old for this..."

**Dick: **"HUHHHHHHHHHHHHH?"

**Damian: "I ONLY LIKES HiPpoPoTaMuSeS!"**

**Damian: "AND HiPpoPoTaMuSeS LIKE ME, TOO!"**

**Tim: **"Richard..." *sigh* " Don't shove tissue's in your ears with your elbows..."

**Dick: **"HUH???!?"

*smack* *Tissues fall onto the floor*

**Tim: **"TIMMY that was my highly-efficient noise canceling device!!!"

**Jason: ***ugh *

**Damian: "FATHER SAYS A HIPPO, WOULD EAT ME UP BUT THEN,"**

**Jason: **"Moment's like these... I wished I stayed dead..."

**Tim: **"I wish I'd die..."

**Jason: **"Don't worry Replacement,... Maybe DC will let you join the Dead-Robin Club soon-"

**DRAKE SAYS A HIPPO IS A VEGETARIAN!"**

**Jason: **"-er than you thought..."

**Tim: **"..."

**Bruce: **"Tell me you didn't encourage this Tim...."

**Tim: **"No! All I did was..."

**Bruce: ***gravelly Batman voice* "Tell me... That.... YOU... YOU... THE MOST SENSIBLE ONE OF A-L-L MY CHILDREN!" *offended gasps* ... "Did... NOT ENCOURAGE MY SON TO WANT A 3,000 POUND ANIMAL!!"

**Tim: ***cough* "I just umm,... Well, you see it's very simple..."

**Jason: **"Very simple replacement...? THIS IS YOUR FAULT THAT WE ARE TIED UP IN CHAIRS AROUND THE DINING ROOM TABLE WATCHING DICK STUFF TISSUES IN HIS EAR'S WITH HIS ELBOWS!!"

**Dick: **"That seems like that's your problem,... not mine..." *stuff's more tissue's in ears*

**Tim: ***Glup* "heaskedmewhatkindofanimalswerevegetarianbesidesbatcowwhileeatingbreakfasttheotherday..." *slumps in seat* "Imighthave..." *squeaks* "said a ... hippo...IONLYTHOUGHTTHEKIDWASSTARTINGTOBONDWITHME!"

*Collective groans*

**Damian: "THERE'S LOTS OF ROOM FOR HIM IN OUR THIRTY-CAR GARAGE!**

**Damian: I'D FEED HIM THERE AND WASH HIM THERE AND MAKE DRAKE GIVE HIM A MASSAGE!**"

**Tim: ***choking noise*

**Everyone: **"..."

**Alfred: ***Snort*

**Alfred: ***Laughing*

**Jason: **"Oh HAVE MERCY GRAYSON... LOOK!"

**Tim: **"WHa-"

**Dick: **"He's gone delusional... Man Down JayJay... man down..."

**Jason: **"Don't Call me JayJ-"

**Damian: "I CAN SEE ME NOW ON CHRISTMAS MORNING,**

**Jason: **-ay"

**Damian: CREEPING DOWN THE STAIRS!**

**Dick: **"B,... Damian's broken Al.. AL YOU OK OVER THERE?"

**Alfred: **"Quite alright Master Richard,... I just recalled... Master Bruce do you remember one year on Young Richard's birthday being asked for an elephant?"

**Bruce: **"..."

**Bruce: **"Yes,..." *laughs*

**Damian: TO SEE A BAT-HIPPO HERO STANDING THERE!**

**Dick: **"What?...I would neve- Well, wait... actually... that seems like something I would do..."

**Tim: **"Yea,... circus-boy..."

**Dick: **"Hey,... TIMMER'S DAT'S NOT NICE!"

**Jason: **"Is nobody concerned that the kid has named the hippo??? He's getting attached..."

**Dick & Tim: ***Both Dick and Tim* "NOT NOW JASON!"

*Ongoing bickering in the background*

**Bruce: **"Ok,...Ok,... That gives me an idea Alfred..."

**Damian: "I WANT HIPPOPOTAMUS FOR CHRISTMAS!"**

**Bruce: **"Damian!"

**Damian: "ONLY A HIPPOPOTAMUS WILL DO!"**

**Bruce: **"Dam-"

**Damian: "NO KILLER CROC'S! NO LOOK ALIKE MOCKS!"**

**Bruce: **"Da-"

**Damian: "I ONLY LIKE'S HIPPOPOTAMUSES"**

**Bruce: **"YOU CAN HAVE YOUR HIPPO!!"

**Damian: "AND HIPPOPOTAMUSES LIKE ME- WHAT? REALLY!"**

**Bruce: **"Can you,... untie us now Damian,... and... keep your voice lowered... I think you've damaged all of our eardrums..."

*Collective Groaning & Bickering*

And If on Christmas Morning Damian received a stuffed-toy hippo and was happy with it... No one said anything about the charade that happened just a month before... The kid got his hippo, and was never allowed to drink Hot chocolate again... that's all that matters... 🦛

**Author's Note:**

> Thankyou for everyone who has taken the time to read this story! (づ￣ ³￣)づ  
I really do appreciate it! No comments or Kudo's are necessary! However they are always welcomed and greatly appreciated!  
-  
Now, Major stuff!  
*Gets Bat-Mega Phone*  
I DO NOT OWN DC!  
I DO NOT OWN BATMAN OR ANY CHARACTERS AND/OR STORYLINES! MONEY IS NOT EARNED IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM!  
IM BROKE... YUR WELCOME!!!  
THE ONLY THING GAINED BY WRITING IS THAT I'M DOING WHAT I ENJOY!  
... Which now saying it. It just say's that I like to make characters suffer... ༼ʘ̚ل͜ʘ̚༽ ...  
(I DONT MEAN IT LIKE DAT... I just want dem to feel better. Dat's all... Dere's so much angst and from what I know, HARDLY NO COMFORT in Canon!)  
-  
Don't worry if you see this story on any other site, I've started to Cross-post... YAY!  
*Inner anxiety struggles* ಠ⌣ಠ  
-  
If you are so inclined... You can follow my Tumblr.  
https://wizzypiehigh9.tumblr.com/  
Or WizzyPieHigh9 / ForgetCanon
> 
> ʘ‿ʘ  
*Alfred Glare* (A glare proven to be more powerful than a Batman Glare) KEEP IT CLEAN THOUGH!!! OR I SHALL USE DA POWER OF THE BAT-BAN BUTTON!  
-  
(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)  
-  
I do not own the random Derpy text faces. Btw... Just thought I'd point that out.  
-  
This Story Currently has Two Sources: \ (•◡•) /  
1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57zFkL9GSZA -  
"I want something from you that's very precious. Something you've worked very hard to conceal. Something when gone you can never regain... Something soul-shattering..." ~ From mysterious woman whom I have no idea whose name is and people are gonna yell at me for not knowing it... 😅😆🤪  
2) https://www.smartcat.ai/blog/100-british-slang-words-and-expressions-to-knock-your-socks-off/  
This Story is "Completed"... \ (•◡•) /Sources:  
* I don't own the Song 'All I want for Christmas is a Hippopotamus' ... I'm inclined to say that Damian does... Or someone else. Somebody that isn't me. Also I'm not taking credit for the song.
> 
> 💕 Also as a side note, when it is written that Jason wished he stayed dead, or when Tim said that he wanted to die... They only meant it in jest when they said it. No one should ever feel that way. Everyone's life is such a precious gift worth living... Just wanted to say that... 🥰
> 
> YOU ARE LOVED!
> 
> *I thought that I would say it here as well. In the sources that are included I think I would be here for forever If I included little things like looking up to spell a word or a question on Google, or synonyms for words. So, I don't include them. 😉  
And anyway,... WHO'S REALLY READING THIS??? (͡ ͡° ͜ つ ͡͡°)  
If you are... Say "Hippopotamus's are cool" in the comments... I DARE YA! 😶
> 
> *Tumbleweed's blow by in the Comment Section...*


End file.
